http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5FxdCgD-qI
I know that there are a lot of examples of bad fathers who ignore their children of are not there, so I would like to focus on the good ones out there and what good came of it.
"Good fathering, it seems, really does matter. It matters over a long time, over a lifetime, and even over generations" (Snarey, J. (1993). How fathers care for the next generation: A four-decade study. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.).
There are five fundamental principles of fathering: to preside, partner, be present, provide, and protect.
Fathers need to be the spiritual leader of their children. "The concept of blessing future generations does not belong only to scriptural imperatives or cultural traditions. Indeed, a concept known as generativity has become a bedrock principle of lifespan developmental theory and research (Erikson, 1950). Generativity is defined, simply, as the 'challenge to adults... to create, care for, and promote the development of others, from nurturing the growth of another person to shepherding the development... of a broader community" (Snarey, J. (1993). How fathers care for the next generation: A four-decade study. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.).
Parenthood is all about partnership. There is partnership between the couple and then there is one between a parent and the children. The father should first look at how he can help the mother raise the child. They can have a better bond together because they are making those decisions together. "President Howard W. Hunter advised that fathers should 'earn the respect and confidence of [their] children through [their] loving relationship with them,' and suggested also that fathers should give children 'time and presence in their social, educational, and spiritual activities and responsibilities' and provide 'tender expressions of love and affection toward children'" (Hunter, H.W. (1994, November). Being a righteous husband and father. Ensign, 24, 49-51.). I think that it is also important that fathers, as well as mothers, are friends with our children's friends and their parents so they can be aware of who is in their child's life.
Children need to feel security in their life. They need to have the presence of their father in their life because active father's help children to not get into as much trouble. "A child's dependence, both physically and psychologically, on parents fashions a relationship in which fathers must willingly accept the moral obligation to provide their children a secure atmosphere and be responsive to daily needs and desires" (Pruett, K.D. (1998). Role of the father. Pediatrics, 102(5) 1253-1261.). There are many different ways that a father can be present in a child's life; physically, psychologically, and practically. Fathers need to be there for their children, they need to be aware of how they are doing and ask them questions when they may need it, and they need to care for them. My father was always there to teach me when I didn't understand things and was there to help me when I am upset. He has been like this my entire life, and continues to do this even though I am married now.
***Has your father been there for you in your life?
Father's are here to provide for their families. In the Doctrine and Covenants 75:28 it states, "Verily I say unto you, that every man who is obliged to provide for his own family, let him provide, and he shall in nowise lose his crown." Fathers are to meet children's needs and offer opportunities for development. If your father is struggling with this, I would go and talk to him, but if that is in no way possible, then I would look for an example in your life that can be more of a father figure. We do not all come from families that take care of our needs, but we can find them somewhere. If you are apart of a church, I would look for men who love their children and are good people. They are good examples to follow and talk to. "Scholars accurately suggest that the 'energy, sacrifice, and labor extended in order to provide' should be understood as complementary to other aspects of father involvement rather than necessarily competitive with other dimensions" (Christiansen, S.L., & Palkovitz, R. (2001). Why the "good provider" role still matters. Journal of Family Issues, 22, 84-106.).
It is so important for a father to protect his children! There are so many fathers who have left the scene or are not doing what they are supposed to be doing. They are leaving the young children to fend for themselves, which is a problem. Fathers, as well as mothers, should protect their children from the bad things of the world. "One commentator has framed this aspect of fathering as 'the job of preparing children to possess competencies to independently take on adult challenges in the world outside... the family'" (Hall, J.M. (2007). Strong fathers as strong teachers: Supporting and strengthening a child's education. In S.E. Brotherson & J.M. White (Eds.), Why fathers count: The importance of fathers and their involvement with children (pp. 319-333). Harriman, TN: Men's Studies Press.). Father's should be pointing their children in the righteous path so that they can one day make the correct decisions and actions on their own. Father's have to be the example to their children of the right way to live life. They should want the best for their children, even when life gets tough.
(this is just a picture of my dad and me!)
*** How can your father change to be more apart of your life? Who can you look up to if he is unwilling to change?
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