So I know what you are thinking... it is way too hard to repent and forgive. This also may sound a little religious, but I think that forgiveness is something that we all have to deal with at some point in our life. There are always going to be people who disappoint us, but we have to decide if we are going to forgive them or if we are going to forget them. Hopefully, things can get worked out and it won't be the latter, but sometimes that is what has to happen.
I actually love the scripture Mark 11:25-26 which states, "And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses." This is all about how we need to forgive in order to be forgiven. This of course can relate to any situation.
The only way to repair damaged family relationships is through repenting and forgiving. "Numerous studies have demonstrated a relationship between forgiveness and well-being" (Harris, A.H.S., & Thoresen, C.E. (2005). Forgiveness, un-forgiveness, health, and disease. In E.L. Worthington, Jr. (Ed.), Handbook of forgiveness (pp. 321-333). New York: Routledge.).
"By contrast, not forgiving can lead to harm. 'Unforgiveness' is considered a stress reaction in response to a perceived threat (Worthington, E.L. Jr. (2006). Forgiveness and reconciliation: Theory and application. New York: Routledge.), and the emotions associated with unforgiveness, such as resentment, hostility, blame, and fear, have been linked to health risks" (Harris and Thoresen).
I think that the first thing that people need to do is apologize. It is honestly the easiest way to get rid of the problem. It is the only way to get rid of the guilt and shame. We have to stand up for ourselves and face the mistakes that we have made. It is definitely not easy, but very necessary. After we apologize, we have to change our ways. "Apologies are essential for reconciliation" (Lazare, A. (2004). On apology. New York: Oxford University Press.).
Just like we are supposed to apologize for the things that we do wrong, we also need to be able to forgive those that are looking for reconciliation. Honestly, when I don't forgive people, I just hold a huge judge for them and I can't shake it unless I forgive. You just have to learn how to let go of the issues and focus on the good.
There are several ways to forgive, but these are just a few given from Worthington (2001):
- Recall the hurt.
- Empathize.
- Offer the altruistic gift of forgiveness.
- Commit publicly to forgive.
- Hold on to forgiveness.
(Worthington, E. (2001). Five steps to forgiveness: The art and science of forgiving. New York: Crown Publishers.).
Life is going to be hard no matter what stage you are in, or how much money you have. People are going to get there feelings hurt or are going to hurt others, but we still have to be willing to repent and forgive. We need to be sorry for the things that we do and forgive others when they have done us wrong. This should be done in any situation, but especially within a family unit.
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